It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize