I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You are the jesus of drinking
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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