I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
