Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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