Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
