no, he came in my armpit
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
