A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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