You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
