I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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