So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
