3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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