someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
