...so i touched it.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
