oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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