she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If I die, sorry about rent.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
