Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
my poor anus
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
