So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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