You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he thought i was a dude.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
