New low: just hacked my moms facebook
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
