I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
