not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
