why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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