: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
