i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
