are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
