No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
