Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
