if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
jump out the window naked night went bad
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