He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Im part way to drunk.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
