1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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