dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
