He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
