Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
