You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
