i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
