I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
smell my finger.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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