And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i was born a porn star she said
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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