mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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