morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Randomize
