one word: firstdatebathroomanal
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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