I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
