Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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