I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You've changed since you got that strap on
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
