i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
