hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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