She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
