why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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