There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
