i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
