that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
17 year olds will be the death of me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
