home. puking in laundry basket.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
