D3 body, D1 cock
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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