And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
