I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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