Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
